


אהבה

by sunglassesface



Category: The Chosen - Chaim Potok
Genre: M/M, i am both immensely sorry and greatly proud
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-08 23:54:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17396132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunglassesface/pseuds/sunglassesface
Summary: reb saunders had prayed for danny to have a soul, and god gave him reuven.





	אהבה

reb saunders had prayed for danny to have a soul, and god gave him reuven.  
/  
freud said dreams represented the unconscious- the true meaning and longings of the soul. as danny explained this to reuven, a thought was itching at the back of his mind. since he was a boy, he’d had a dream. it had come rarely, at first, once every several months. but in the more recent years, it recurred more frequently.

there was a boy and a girl. they were both in trouble. he could hardly think over their simultaneous pleas for help, but no matter what, he always found himself reaching for the boy. before he began reading freud, danny hadn’t thought anything of it, but now he was afraid of what it might mean. he told reuven this, too, to get another’s perspective. he left out that the people used to be smudgy, vague. he left out that in the last year, the boy’s features had grown more concrete: brown hair and dark eyes and glasses. he left out that the boy looked a lot like reuven.  
/  
sometimes, at night, danny would hear the noises reuven made when he thought no one would hear them. danny was disgusted. by reuven, maybe, but mostly by himself. there was no excuse for the thoughts he had when he heard those sounds. having them alone would have been bad enough, but he was having them about his best friend. danny tried his best to ignore them, noises and thoughts alike, and went back to sleep. he never quite could.  
/  
“danny?” reuven broke the silence of his room as they read. he was so quiet he wasn’t sure danny would even hear it; he was immersed in his book, absentmindedly twisting his earlock like always. why reuven was nervous he didn’t know- this was a common enough discussion topic in school. he couldn’t walk two feet without hearing someone talk about some girl they were eyeing. 

after a couple seconds without a reaction, reuven was ready to let it go, but then danny looked up. “yes?”

eyes not quite at danny, not quite away, reuven inhaled. “i’m pretty sure i know the answer, but...”

“yes?” danny asked again, suppressing a smile.

“have you ever kissed anyone?”

danny laughed. “yes, i think you can work that one out on your own”

reuven forced a laugh. “yeah, i guess so.” 

“have you?” 

“no.”

“i figured.” danny went back to his book smiling. 

“would you... want to?”

“kiss someone?” 

“yes.”

“well, yes. eventually.”

“yeah. me too.”

resting against danny’s shoulder, reuven went back to his book too.

-

closing his book, danny said “it’s getting late. i’ll see you tomorrow, reuven.”

“bye,” responded reuven, watching him walk to the door. “wait.” he didn’t even realize he said it as he followed.

danny turned. “wh-“ he was cut off as reuven grabbed his arm and put his lips to his. the kiss was brief, barely lasting a second before reuven pulled away. danny just stared, speechless.

“there. now we both have.” reuven took a step back. “see you tomorrow, danny.”  
/  
danny wanted to know reuven like he knew the talmud- every inch, backwards and forwards, inside and out. he wanted to worship something else, just for a bit. but his life had revolved around silence up until then, and he saw no reason to change that.  
/  
damn you, danny saunders. at first, reuven didn’t feel angry at danny’s abandonment. he didn’t feel anything. it didn’t register. he was joking, it wasn’t real, nothing could ever break them apart. when it finally hit him, when reuven finally realized just what that meant, he broke. he cried. he cried until his throat felt raw and his eyes burned and he couldn’t cry anymore. he cried until he didn’t feel anything anymore. we weren’t supposed to leave each other, he kept repeating.   
-  
several hours passed, or maybe days. time felt strange without danny to fill it with his voice. he couldn’t eat. he could hardly sleep. reuven sat at his father’s typewriter, prepared to put words to all the anger and loss and betrayal he felt. but he just sat. no matter what he tried, he couldn’t write. what little he got out was miles away from capturing what he wanted to say. he was blank. when danny left, he took the best parts of reuven with him. his eyes brimmed with tears again, but he clenched his jaw and refused to let them fall.   
/  
reuven almost forgot it was his birthday. he woke up alone to his empty, silent apartment. normally his father would be waiting to sing to him, but he was in the hospital again. this time, the doctors said, he might not recover. danny might have been there to celebrate, but the elation of his return had died, and he was afraid to make any proposals that reb saunders might see as stepping over a line. it was the second birthday he had spent in a year without danny. it was the first in his life he spent alone.  
/  
the first thing danny noticed when he opened the door were reuven’s red-rimmed eyes. before he could ask what was wrong, reuven answered for him. “my father died,” he explained. his voice was hoarse.

danny didn’t know what to say; he didn’t know what to feel. “oh,” he replied. if danny felt like he had been punched, he couldn’t imagine how reuven felt. “come in. i’ll… i’ll make tea.”

reuven entered and stood next to the couch, but he didn’t sit. danny put some water in a pot and set it to boil, and turned back to his friend.

“i don’t think i can go back yet,” reuven choked out. he wiped his nose with his sleeve. “can i stay with you for a while?” danny wasn’t sure if he meant a few hours or a few weeks, but he nodded anyway. he opened his mouth to try to say something, but nothing came out. reuven had never quite gotten used to the few moments where danny’s silence came not from his wanting to listen, but from him truly not knowing what to say.

danny took a step towards him, then stopped. then he started leaning forward. before reuven could think about what would come next, danny’s mouth was on his, his hand on his cheek. the kiss was soft and slow and tender, the closest thing to comfort danny could provide. reuven closed his eyes and breathed, not pulling back but not reciprocating. letting it happen. it was then reuven realized the kiss was saying what danny couldn’t. it said i’m sorry. it said i love you. it said you will always have a home with me if you want it; i am here for you; i will never leave you again. the tears in reuven’s eyes returned. he kissed him back.


End file.
